Negotiating with Emotion
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A beautiful woman wrote to me and expressed her gratitude for how supportive my work and my messages have been for her. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I believe in synchronicity. A few weeks ago, me and my partner ended our long term kinda karmic relationship. Next day I found your Instagram out of nowhere.
And then… well, I started to dive into your work. I could relate to almost all topics and experiences you went through. Right now I am standing where you were not so long ago. This beautiful angel — this teacher, stirred something in me. The desire to write again. The desire to connect.
The desire to continue sharing myself with you, no matter how vulnerable I feel. It is so that you all feel less alone. Less alone in the challenges of this journey of inner transformation and awakening which for the most part feels pretty confusing and lonely. I write to support you.
I write because I know what I am experiencing is something you may very well be experiencing too. I write to share what I have learned in the hope it will touch you, move you or support you in some way. And it got me thinking about the past years of my life and what has unfolded, and where I find myself now.
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And it also got me thinking that perhaps it is time to share a little more with you about what has been going on. We can be plodding along through life with everything going well, and then something comes along and unravels our whole existence. The love of our life breaks up with us. We lose our job. Someone we care for deeply, passes away. Someone gets sick. We lose our home. We lose our money. We get sick.
There is crisis. We are brought to our knees. For me, it was the end of a relationship — a person I loved deeply, telling me they could no longer be with me. My world came crashing down. This was the moment that kick-started my unravelling, my deep metamorphosis, the deconstruction of my ego and the awakening of my true self. There has been deep, transformative inner work.
Witnessing all aspects of my ego. Facing with confronting clarity everything that is not my truth and finding the courage to let it go. The hardest part has been the knock to my confidence. I have felt so vulnerable, raw and fragile. I often wrote last year how hard I found it to show up for my work.
After life has spent two years knocking you down, you can lose all confidence. Well, your ego loses confidence, and now you are forced to not have fake confidence but to be tapped into the authentic power of your soul. Your soul loves this stuff. This is where it finally gets to come alive. This first phase — after the catalyst of some big life event — is all about letting go, shedding, and surrendering. Life will feel like it is crumbling.
Things will fall apart. Life will feel like chaos. You are in the cocoon, melting, deconstructing. Turning to nothing. All you know will be stripped away.
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Here all of the lights around you are turned off, so you can find the light within. The purpose of this phase is the deconstruction of your ego. The peeling back of layers. The shedding of all you are not. Forms, structures and creations build by your ego, will crumble. Your ego identity will be lost.
Your old patters will no longer work. I felt to touch on relationships here, as they often play a very significant role in our self-transformation and awakening. As I mentioned the catalyst for my huge personal transformation was the ending of a significant relationship — which for many of us it is. These relationships are designed to end in this way. It is divinely orchestrated. It is a soul contract. To draw all of our darkness to the surface.
To trigger our wounds. To amplify our weaknesses. To shine a light on the parts of us we would rather avoid and not see.
These relationships can trigger shame, unworthiness, deep fears of abandonment, and patterns of neediness and control. These relationships are a pre-determined agreement made between two souls, who are destined to come together to teach each other. They may teach each other through hurt, pain, betrayal, abuse, rejection, or struggle, but it is all driven by love.
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There is a loving intent behind it all. They are here as your teachers and your guides, lovingly helping you burn up your ego, so that you will awaken to the power of who you really are. When we can understand the healing, karmic nature of some of our relationships we can become more willing to embrace what they are here to teach us. I have really only began to wrap my head around this, but it has brought me so much comfort.
She says;. Sacred partnership occurs when two people are mastering themselves first and this is sometimes done through a period of solo time or within those old relationships as you go deeper inside yourself to process. Yep, karmic relationships are our divine stepping stones to sacred partnership. And it feels like the love you desire for is impossible to experience. You feel like a failure.